Back home...

Thursday, April 12, 2007
11:33am

Waiting for my plane again. I just checked in. These places are so colorless and bland. Waiting rooms usually are though I guess. There is a buzz of people trying to get places and overpriced coffee stands for fuel to get them there.

Headed back to Moldova. I was home for little over a week. I hadn’t been home in close to 1 year. Listening to Granny’s 50’s music. I should have been born then. It seems nice. Maybe not, I really like my nano and technology like this computer. There is no WAY I feel like handwriting this journal entry now. Too tired.

This is the most sleep deprived I’ve ever been. And even though I am so tired, I feel like staying awake. It’s odd.

While I was home…

One person really stood out: Geino (Kansas City friend). I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to see all my loved ones and when I entered his home, he took it down a notch for me and helped me relax (no drugs or booze-just chillin). And also brought some interesting ideas to my attention. First, we should live in such a positive state that we are BREATHING out flowers. Interesting concept I think. What a beautiful action. I feel special to be around him and receive such infectious affection. He brings something that makes things come to life. Everyone that knows him agrees.

My trip back home was not what I was expecting. I really didn’t know what to expect actually but it was much harder than I expected. I didn’t expect to lose my voice as soon as I got home. That was not fair! But at least it was just really hoarse as opposed to not at all the whole time.

I couldn’t figure out why it was so sad at times while I was there! I was back home, with my family and friends, everything was so nice and clean, I had everything I could ask for and everyone helped me and paid so much money for things for me. I felt totally guilty about all that. I hope to repay everyone in full when I return for all the kindness. Anyway, it was fabulous but I guess all the change just hit me hard. I saw how much change really takes place in one year. Especially in my nieces. People change jobs and hair color and all that but the kids!!! Wow, they are totally different little people now…when I left Lillian was crawling..and now she is walking and talking and so beautiful.


It was AWESOME TO BE HOME and I was happy to see all the changes despite moments of melancholy. Everyone is working so hard and I am so happy to see all of my family and friends’s sucesses.

Let’s see if I can remember everything I did on my trip for journal sake...

The night before I left, I stayed up all night (till 3:30am) getting things packed. This was a hard packing job, I wasn’t sure what I’d be doing exactly while at home. Then went to my 8:30am class and then onward to Adam’s apartment and PC. Adam sent me along with the sweetest gifts. He went with me to the airport and helped me carry my things. We waited for my flight and drank some canned coffee-it was terrible but we drank them anyway because it was fun. We were discussing how to obtain dual citizenship for Europe and how Bulgaria is now part of the EU.

It felt so good to leave Moldova, like a grand escape! I remembered the first day I flew in to Moldova and there was a gorgeous rainbow. It’s cool because the last day I was in Australia there was a rainbow too. It’s like I went from one end to the other. At one end lies a 31-story bedroom window in a 6 star resort overlooking the ocean, the other end lies a great view of a garden, chicken coop and mangy guard dog, and I suppose somewhere in the middle is “home”.

I broke free of Moldova and after around 20 hours of travel time I was in Washington DC. Washington was boring. But it was cool to understand all the language around me easily. It was crazy stimulation to my brain since I am so used to zoning out all the Russian I don’t understand.

Called Granny collect to tell them I was home safe. I also used her cell and the truck when I was home. I will give back to my grandchildren. My grandparents helped me out so much while I was home.

Kansas City felt good. Home.
Mom and Susanne (best friend from high school) were at the airport waiting for me. A modest welcome, but truthfully I don’t think I could’ve handled much more and was relieved to see the two of them.

The culture shock wasn’t so bad, I transitioned easily, but it still is another planet and I was remembering the person I was a year ago when I left had that airport for Peace Corps. My poor parents…it was a mess…I almost missed my flight and didn’t even have a chance to kiss my Mom bye! I am still as busy as before but hopefully a little more organized. ;)

From that moment on, that next week at home was sheer madness. I barely slept and I ate only because I was home in America and the food was so great, but my apetite was just off.

I lost my bag of presents in the transfer from all the different vehicles. I really thought I was totally organized with all my pre-made lists, but everything just went haywire anyway. I am still really bummed about that-I had spent a lot of time working on presents for everyone. And of course nobody believes you when you say you “lost” their present-ya know? ;)

I felt very self-centered. I talked a lot about myself , work, and PC. I hope everyone understood how interested I was in their lives too. I just really enjoy sharing and once you get me going………… ;)

So anyway, first night..I arrived around 7:30pm and Mom took me out and we ate Chinese. Mom, Dan (Mom’s husband-they were married while I was in Moldova-good to meet him-he’s cool), Suzanne, and my sweet little sis Erin. She is in a great spot now, very happy. I want it to remain forever. I love her. She is so awesome. We went shopping and she bought me some shorts. She picked out 4 and I told her the ones I liked the best and those were the ones she liked best too…I told her to KEEP THEM because I really didn’t care about them. And I was serious. I really didn’t. She left them for me as a surprise when she took off for her honeymoon. That was cool of her and I tell that story every time I wear them. ;)

I stayed at Erin’s house the first night. The babies were sleeping (my 2 nieces). I barely recognized Lily. She looks very different. Morgan talks so much more. It made me feel guilty to see them so grown up knowing that I haven’t helped much with them. Erin did their room in this adorable princess theme. She painted, put a castle on the wall, pink and purple fuzzy things everywhere. We sister-talked and then I went to bed.

Early morning, we all played in Erin’s huuuuuge most comfortable bed. Justin, Erin’s new HUSBAND!!! is really good with the girls. The girls went in there and I heard them trying to wake up Erin and Justin. Justin pretended to be asleep and when the girls were close enough to his face he grabbed them and tickled them. Morgan and Lily played and we all laughed. It was wholesome and lovely. Justin went to work. Just us girls had breakfast. I had cereal and ½ my toast. Lily stole my toast when I wasn’t looking and got jelly all over her face. Erin made the girls eggs and bacon at Morgan’s request. Morgan is so cute. Everything she says cracks me up. Lily is beautiful and likes to be held. I could hold her for days. She follows around and does what Morgan does.

I babysat them for a day and drove them around listening to Disney soundtracks a lot. Morgan knows all the words. I’m not always so big into kids. I prefer them disciplined and that’s pretty rare. But these ones…They really shimmer. I like hearing their kid sounds and when they lightly touch your face and hide behind your legs like little kittens.

But, I was glad to be the Aunt of these lovely children and NOT the Mother… ;) So much work and patience. And you have to be so careful of what you say-they are like parrots.

Anyway, Erin and I dropped the kids off with Erin’s new PERFECT babysitter. Then we ran errands and I got my dress fitted. I think I stayed with lovely Mom that night. And we caught up all night.

Thursday: I was supposed to hang out with B maybe but I was sooooo tired, Mom would’ve had hurt feelings if I’d left her, and it was too late so I didn’t call him. He was living with his parents and without a cell phone or else I’d have called the cell. Went to bed pretty late talking with Mom and then woke up at 6am. I think I was writing out a to do list for the day while the new Dan got ready to go to work.

I did a meditation after he left and it was so nice. It really helped clear me up. I meditate every day if possible.

Friday: Stayed the night with Erin . We had the wedding rehearsal and dinner and then I met up with fun friends: Brett and Summer and Mary at Rancho Grande. Saw Angela, Nick, Kim, and Chris. We randomly went downtown later to Lance’s. B was there. It was great to see him but serreal.

I don’t think I really looked too different and people were disappointed. This was amusing to me. My sis said she was expecting a shaved head or something. Next time I’ll try to be more entertaining. ;)

Everything was so heavy. Everything changed. It’s amazing what can happen in only 1 year!

Sat: The wedding was amazing. I saw my aunts briefly. I didn’t catch why they couldn’t come to the reception because I was involved with the wedding and didn’t have a lot of time to talk then. But it was so good to see them. My Aunts are the coolest. Aunt Beth, thanks again for the beads and all the goodies for my students!!!!! Uncle George, thanks for the photo books you made with my blog entries…way cool too.

I hung out with all my parents, siblings, aunts and uncles, grandparents and my lovely cousin Ashley and all my family and family friends. I have such a great fam, they are all so good about taking care of each other. I am proud to be a part.

Anyway, after the wedding…..Danielle (best friend/roommate from Australia) and I went back to my house to get ready. She put Sofia (her kitty she traveled with in a car from Memphis just to come visit) in the room (later Sophia got let out by accident and Danielle had to leave for Wichita…Sofia was found later and now Mom has a new kitty she won’t give back to Danielle!) ;)

We went to McCoy’s first-for B’s going away party (me and Danielle) Suz and Summer showed up too. I saw Sarah (what a doll), Michelle, Michelle’s drunk girlfriend that provided much amusement, Doolan, Dano, Eades, Keely, Justin, Roddy, Charles and his wife Emily, ZJ. It was awesome. Geino, Ken and Eric showed up later too. Danny and me stayed at Lance’s later because we were so tired and didn’t want to drive.

Sunday: B and Danny and I went to a Buddhist meditation center. Rime Center. (It was okay. Very welcoming but a different type of Buddhism than what I’ve been studying.) Then out for brunch.

Danielle and I hung out at Erin’s house for a bit. We spent some time catching up and powering each other up. Our precious time spent together is always beneficial and rare considering both our lifestyles. Anyway, she left and I got ready to head up to my Dad’s house 2 hours away.

I borrowed the pickup from Granny and Dan and drove alone. I was supposed to pickup Grandma RosMarie along the way too and she was rightfully upset with me because I was running late (when I say upset I mean Grandma-upset which isn’t like yelling or anything). She wanted me to spend more time with my Dad. He did help me out big time with the ticket home. I showed up around 8pm. I have no idea how it got so late so fast. But that’s what happens when you are “burning the candle at both ends”. Anyway, she got over it quickly because she’s the coolest and we had some nice talks on the way.

The farm is still there (it’s been there 24 years for me and I appreciate that so much) and the stars still shine brighter than anywhere I’ve seen. Dad has made a new hunting lodge next to the house, it’s great for guests.

Mbug and Lilkitty were there (Erin and Justin were on their honeymoon) and we played a little. I read to them and then had to say bye. My heart tore while I was forced away from their angelic faces. But it was time to go.

Then I drove back to KC after hanging out with my Dad, Tina, and Grandma Rosmarie………and then B came over to Erin’s house where I was housesitting, it was good to talk by ourselves.…. I think I finally got to KC around 11or12 and we were supposed to hang out around 8. We had no set plans, just a theory idea from the morning. But he was rightfully irritated a little and I felt terrible about the time. I tried hard to catch up with him. It almost worked but my energy was out. Anyway, I started feeling pretty carefree and almost crazy due to lack of sleep so everything seemed even more surreal and numb. I had to feel numb or I would have had one of those embarrassing breakdowns I think. All the same, it was very different this time round being with him, but as always, good company. And we had a lot of catching up to do.

I was up almost all night talking. Morning came quickly and I left the house around 8am to get my taxes done. I drove the truck and hung out with Aunt Becky. I was exhausted and this was her only time with me so I felt bad again not giving my usual 100%, but there was nothing else I could too. We ate breakfast out and did taxes and went shopping thank god or else it never would have gotten done. I was so tired and had culture shock being in the store but I knew she could help out with stuff for me and my students so I kept going. She is so awesome! So patient with me.

She also gave me some mail that says I could definitely get screwed over by Rancho Grande and that food poisoning incident that put me in the hospital a week before leaving for Moldova….I may have to pay the doctor’s bills myself. I can’t believe it’s possible for them to try to cheat me like this, but money can be an evil thing. My lawyer is going to work it out hopefully.

Anyway, then I said another hard goodbye to my dear Aunt Becky (a 2nd Mom to me) and left to catch dinner with my girlfriends from NWMSU. I’m pretty poor now being a volunteer and I don’t have money to spend on clothes so I panicked a little. I wanted to look nice for my friends and Brandon’s show was later that night as well.

So I dressed up a little in my sister’s clothes and then ran over to Susanne’s house to have her dress me up. Now listen, I have style. I have good taste, at least IIIII think ;) but Susanne is a hidden fashion designer. She is so good. She dressed me up to kill. What a friend! She’s really so fashionable it’s amazing. Erin took the hairdryer with her to Jamaica so I couldn’t do my hair really. But I said who cares and was happy to have had a nice shower (remember I was taking bucket baths prior) …..anyway, Suz and I ran out the door a little late due to her Mom’s questions about Moldova. (I totally appreciated her insightful questions. She was genuinely curious. Susanne’s fam is the coolest. Bob, her Dad, is the kindest person I know besides Geino and Layne (Suz’s new baby and she is ADORABLE.)

Then I got to (NW friend) Angie’s house. It was so good to see those girls. They are all bigtime now. I am so happy for all their successes! Lindsay is getting married. Anne is traveling all over the US with work. Les is such a sweetie and has a new beautiful house that she has put so much work into. Angie’s house was gorgeous. They ordered Chinese. I stayed a little too late there because of fun and a misquote on the time it took to get to Lawrence.

Anyway, I was a little late and still had to meet up with Elgin. No one else could come to Brandon’s show. Elgin drove the speed limit BLESS his heart. We had fun catching up on the way to Lawrence. We were 30 minutes late.

B’s show: I couldn’t believe I missed it. SHOULD have been there too. It was only a 30 min set. I felt really sick about it.

Anyway, wow what a crowd. P and Seth were there (his parents), his new girl Anastasia, and Michelle. Pretty intense for lil Ryry. Everyone was having a good time. So I decided to do so as well. I felt like a jackass walking in late, especially in front of his parents. But as I had genuinely missed them and everyone, I tried to make the absolute best of the situation in the little time I had with everyone. B’s parents are classy and it was nice to visit with them. They look better every time I see them.

But anyway, I have never been so mad at myself for being late, I really wanted to see B and Bob’s show. Ah well, it was probably best that I didn’t.

Everything was totally peaceful when I left. Despite Brandon’s disappointment in my tardiness he graciously had fun with me anyway. How could you not right? ;)

Everyone is peaceful and it felt good to tie some loose ends.

So anyway, after B’s “not” show….I rode back with Elgin, exchanged gas money for him and goodbyes, and I was back to my truck. It was nice of him to drive there.

When I got in the truck I could’ve went to sleep right there. But I was in downtown Kansas City and felt like being there. So I called up Geino and Ken and they warmly invited me to come on over. They are so kind. They have a purplepink light that shines out on the street and guided me there. Everything was so comfortable. They gave me tea since I was losing my voice. I had never been anywhere so comfortable. They liked my outfit and noticed how dolled up I was, which was nice to be noticed like that. They surrounded me on the couch with a blanket, pot of tea, strawberries, questions about my trip, and a love for entertaining guests. I was in heaven.

Geino talked about his pretty birds and laughed and showed me the beautiful art project he made out of a dead bird he found on the street. Sounds a little crazy, but it really was beautiful. He does breathe out flowers. Ken was listening intently with cute questions. Geino goes a little crazy with so many questions sometimes, but it’s exactly the way that I do too and it’s b/c he really wants to know so I don’t mind.

We tried to find my birth certificate online so he could find the time of my birth and he’d do some astrology thing with me. He looked so hard. So did Ken. But it’s so cool about Geino, everything he does is for enjoyment. For example, he was just standing up, waiting for Ken on the computer and instead of just staring and waiting like most would, he turned to the painting on the wall and enjoyed it while he was waiting. I watched him enjoy it and actually enjoyed that myself.

Then we moved on to looking up travel places and countries. They are coming to Europe it is very possible they will visit me in Moldova! They want to go to Egypt like me too.
We’ll see.

Ken went to bed and I ate chips with Geino. Geino smokes and he’s one person I hope never quits, it suits him.

After all this, I went to lay down on the couch and Geino wanted me to translate his poem into Romanian and then turn it into a song. He saw me eying the piano all night. I wanted him to play SO badly. We stayed up until 5am working on writing the song. I was falling asleep mid-sentence and he’d say “just a little more sweety..” and I’d translate something in Romanian and drift back off..it took everything in me to stay awake. I am interested to see the translation when I have some rest. Ha.

In the morning around 9 Ken went to work and I had get up too because this was the only time I had to spend with Granny and Dan, plus they had been so kind allowing me to borrow the truck.

I left the sofa and went into Geino’s room and climbed in bed. He curled up next to me like a friendly cat and was very sound. I asked him to show me what he had so far on the piano b/c I had to go home…but he was so tired and child-like I decided to let him sleep. I mussed with his hair a bit and climbed out. If I stayed a minute longer I would’ve slept my life away. So I left the paper lotus flower I had found on the ground on the way to the Buddhist Center on Sunday morning, with B and Danielle, sitting on the piano keys and left.

I drove back to Liberty and on to Susanne’s house to return the cool jacket I had borrowed. Her Mom talked to me a minute. Suz wasn’t there, but I wasn’t looking forward to another hard goodbye so it was best this way.

Then I made it by 10am to Granny’s for some Honey Nut Cheerios and her infamous coffee with French vanilla coffeemate and a cinnamin roll. None of it really tasted that great b/c I didn’t have an apetite, but it was comfort food for energy and I was happy to consume it anyway.
Dan (Grandpa) showed me his quarter collection. He has one from almost every state in one of those special collector books that you pop them into. I gave him change from Moldova, Poland, Czech Republic, and some Euro. I gave Granny a magnet and a special Moldova holiday pin that means love and purity. They were the only ones that received their presents.

All the others were in the same bag that got misplaced. I was so very bummed about that. I spent a lot of my savings on presents for people from Prague too! Ah well. Guess I’ll just have to go back!! ;)

Dad called while I was at Granny’s and was early and wanted to grab an early lunch. He whisked me away from Granny’s house and I told them I’d be back soon. He picked me up and took me for a big ranch salad and chips with Gringo Dip. I also had a Dr. Pepper. I knew I should drink water, but the next day was my flight out of America.

Dad and I had a nice time. He told me all these travel/hunting stories. He really has sharpened his craft and I respect this a lot. Bear hunting in the mountains with a bow and arrow???! Dad..you so crazy! He bought me a tent. We looked at a few different places b/c nobody had small tents but we finally found one. Then he brought me back to Granny’s and we said goodbye.

Anyway, pretty soon after we went to Corner Café and they had lunch and I had apple pie with tea. I drink tea every day in Moldova most times more than once a day. Nobody drinks tea in America it’s crazy. I forgot about that. Then Granny and I went shopping at the Dollar Store. I felt bad b/c she also gave me some money…but she offered and it seemed ok. I bought a bunch of stuff for my students and a few things for myself.

Anyway, I caught up with Granny and Dan and it was so much fun. Those old geezers are a riot. Then, I headed over to Mom’s to clean out the closet and take some things to Moldova.

So then I went back to Erin’s apt. and got ready rapidly for my last night in KC. I got some surprise box from Aunt Beth and this made me a little late carrying it and talking about it with Mom.

But I made it home and this real artsy cool outfit just formulated in front of me and I looked great despite sadly not having time to shower. Little black dress over fitted jeans with my cool Moldovan boots and my purple and gold empress scarf from Thailand that Cara (roommate from Australia) gave me. I rushed while doing my makeup and used too much eyeliner. It gave me a dark touch, not to sound silly but it looked pretty dang sexy. ;) I threw my hair back in a messy bun as fast as I could and walked out. I was about 20 minutes late meeting Brett.

He was patiently playing PacMan at Westport CoffeeHouse. I snuck up behind him…he laughed. I can never scare people.
I ordered a peppermint tea and he ordered something random. I didn’t know he didn’t drink coffee or tea until he said so there. He’s a musican for crying out loud. But anyway, he was obviously there for my company and I was flattered at the attention. He really appreciates my work in Moldova. Our story is an interesting one and his friendly, calming presence was greatly appreciated. We caught up and then our friend Luke kept calling him so we moved to the bar. I said hi to Luke at the bar and then left.

I had to get to Geino’s soon to hear the finalized song and meet up with Summer anyway. His music career is soaring and I wish him nothing but the best. (You should check out amsterband.com…they just changed their band name to Ha Ha Tonka but I think that site is still the one they are using. Anyway their music is awesome if you like footstompin rockbluegrass class.) I was with him for an hour. He kissed me on the lips at goodbye-in a friendly way--very European like and he’s never even been--and shoved $50 in my hand. I was surprised and very grateful.

Then I was off to meet up with Geino. Summer was waiting outside. She is laidback and beautiful. Geino played his song finally on the piano. It was beautiful. The Romanian sounds great even though I am sure there are mistakes. He gave me a delicious tea drink and a tarot card reading. Said bye to Summer and Geino.

Then I went on to Erin’s apt for my final night with Brandon. I got there….late again. He was rightfully upset with me. I hate that I’m always late. But he HATES it even more. He’s always been understanding and patient with me though. I am going to try hard to work on this because I don’t like it when others are late either.

I had to pack all night. I forgot how long packing takes me, especially with all that new stuff to bring back. We talked. I was exhausted. It’s exhausting being me sometimes. ;)

I packed and we talked all night. Went to bed around 5am. It was torture waking up again. He kissed me when he left. It was a very sad kiss. I could feel my heart shatter like glass on pavement knowing that this would be our last kiss. The closing moments of a 5 year relationship. I was so weary and numb I couldn’t stand still, I felt that if I stood in one place the whole place might crumble right in front of me crushing my bones to a powder to be blown away by the wind I could hear outside.

I was ready to go back to Moldova-being in America hurt!

I know this sounds dramatic. Try not sleeping for a week and see how you feel. ;)

We left together. He would be going to Bolivia for Peace Corps in May. I hopped into Dan’s truck, filled it with gas thanks to Brett’s money I truly wanted to save and probably could have, but I didn’t want to seem like a mooch….and headed back to Granny’s to wait for Mom. She was going to take me to the airport. I didn’t want to cry when I left Granny’s house for the airport. Why I had to be leaving from Granny’s I don’t know. ANYwhere else would have been better. But that was leaving the real home again….I cried walking out the door and Granny saw me. I didn’t want to upset her. Ah well. She probably just laughed at my sillyness. She’s so wise.

I left with Mom and we went to the airport. I thought I had lost my passport. It was in the right pocket the whole time. I was pissed about this too b/c I wanted Mom to have a good and organized airport experience after the last one. We hugged and kissed goodbye. She cried. I didn’t. I was sad to go, but it was time!

Then I headed for Vienna. I waited in the airport and wrote this. met some good airplane partners. A Romanian man who was hilariously hitting on the stuartess, Jill- this rich, professional lady who gave me a Xanex and is hooking me up with a job after PC, the wakeboarder who did the 1 year world pass….. and finally on to the Moldovan airport. I walked back in to the country like I had just ran a marathon and was about to fall over. My exhausted look was fashionable to the environment and a Moldovan taximan rushed to me and graciously jumped on the opportunity to carry my bags to his car for 200 lei drive me into town.

*************************
I went to the PC office and waited. I wasn’t ready to go back to my village yet. Victoria (my friend who was about to early terminate her service here in Moldova and go back home) was there. I got the chance to chill with her for awhile before she took off which was great. I had not known that she had a pilot liscence. Very interesting.

and Sunday was the self-defense seminar. Saturday night I set up the tent with Adam.
Our time always flies so quickly. We are both pretty ambitious.

I came back to site for a day. The next day I came back to TDY and was there for a week dealing with an irregular heart beat. I could have gone home but I stayed. Susleni freeked me out, it wasn’t so easy transitioning back…even though I have a nice living situation in comparison to other volunteers (indoor toilet, running water). I am just a weanie. ;)

All the same, I couldn’t stay there and my heart was real bad the next day. So I left. I relaxed as much as it is possible for me to relax. I slept a lot too. I feel guilty when I see other people working in the office though. ;) It was a nice week in Chisinau. I did work a little and had to take care of my travel club business.

Adam and I had a nice week together too. One night we went to a huge show and danced around the stadium (this was the night I was wearing my heart monitor and my doc said to do things to make my heart race). The show was unbelievable. A real concert with lights and energy of thousands of music fans and being sweaty smashed together and rocking out…it was fabulous.

So, I feel better now. It was great to be home, recharge my batteries, I am so grateful to all those who helped me out and I fully intend to pass on the kindness. For now, I’m ready to rock my talents in Moldova and finish up this last year with style and many accomplishments!!!