Reflection
It was December 22nd, 2007 when I hit the send button to an email I really really REALLY dreaded sending. I can’t believe that was a YEAR AGO. My palms were sweating and I wondered why so much emotion over what really was a passive aggressive effort in standing up for myself…I really get annoyed with passive aggressive behavior. Don’t be a meek lamb, be a lama and spit it out!!!! (Yes, I DID come up with that one on my own. ;)
Email, man. It can be so lame sometimes. Important words should always be face to face. BUT in the interest of time, I understand and utilize it. At times, the efficiency of an instant email is unparamounted. I recently went to my 4th Moldovan funeral (my 23-year-old friend Andrei died from carbon monoxide poisoning 2 weeks ago), and I can officially say that death comes at all hours and any time. Andrei had just driven us to Doi Haiduci a few days before! Thus, the urgency to say what you’ve gotta regardless of the method. Get it out there before it’s TOO LATE. I’m serious.
Anyway, back to passive aggressive behavior. It is not efficient, raises blood pressure, and creates the unwanted elephant in the room, giving you that feeling when you are under water and can’t swim to the top fast enough while your lungs are screaming for air.
I am not a violent person, but when I feel that unnecessary elephant in the room, my urge is to bash it in like a baseball bat through a window…I always think it will lead to that priceless breath of fresh air when you come bursting out of the water like a damned dolphin. But in reality, usually somebody ends up in tears running out of the room, yelling, or I can expect to find a nice fat passive aggressive email waiting for me next time I check gmail.
Why don’t we learn how to deal with conflict in school? I learned what a “noun” was like 50 times.
So anyway, sometimes this works. Speaking up, that is. Sometimes not. I am still working out the kinks. After I sent the fore-mentioned email from December 22nd, 2007, I decided to not allow myself to sit uncomfortable in these rooms with elephants anymore no matter what happened. I would either say whatever needed to be said to break the ice, say ANYTHING, or walk away. Get as far away from that room as possible because it IS A CHOICE and nobody has to stay anywhere if they don’t want.
Like I said, still working out the kinks. I am not a pro at confrontation. The idea is to say what needs to be said, benefiting everyone, dissolving the conflict with the minimal amounts of pain possible.
You know, I never even got a response from that 3-page email I sent on December 22nd, 2007. I poured my heart into it. I’m not lying to myself, I know I only poured my heart into a screen typing letters to express myself, BUT afterward I did feel a little better. Mostly I felt better because I had finally grew some “gonads” (thank you NW 1st Street boy roommates for teaching me new terminology) and stood the heck up for myself. Voiced the sacred opinion that belongs to me. On the other hand, I never really got a response to my big email, so it still resonates in the crevices, between one of those folds in the very back of my cranium. But at least it doesn’t bother me anymore.
All the same, this was a good lesson to do things like that for myself and have no expectation for the person on the receiving end.
I also received this same lesson a second time semi-recently. I went to my friend Roma’s house. Roma is this beautiful person who mostly stays home because, quite frankly, Moldova is rough around the edges, and in the middle. Anyway, he has a beautiful place and he stays home and takes care of himself and his plants and he is happy. Anyway, so I went to visit him (he makes the best tea I’ve had in my life—no Mom, none of the funny stuff, it’s just tea) and on his coffee table there was this book in Russian. Like the fidgety, ill-mannered child that I am, I instantly picked it up and started flipping through the pages.
He tells me he doesn’t really get into this stuff, it was a gift, but it’s a fortune-telling book and I should flip to a page. No problem, I was already flipping (I love people telling me fortunes, it’s like a fairy tale but in my real life! Or maybe I think it will tell me how to live this crazy thing called life or tell me at very least if I’m on the right track..) anyway, mine basically said that I bring people together but should be careful about expecting rewards for all the work. Interesante.
It was something I needed to hear at the time because I was planning a big volunteer gathering for Thanksgiving. We are all friends, but sometimes people fight or are sad and party night is not the same for everyone as it is for me. MAN, DO I LOVE A GOOD PARTY. I don’t mean a puking rally kind of party, I mean, a good-n-fun let’s laugh our heads off till the wee hours of the morning kind.
PS It’s not a party without dancing or balloons OR some really obscure, nice beverage. You gotta have at least one of the 3 for people to remember it.
I am an event planner. Something I love equally as much as music (which if you know me at all music it pretty damn important to me) is bringing people together for a good time. I get pure joy flitting around the room and watching everyone sharing experiences and creating new ones. It’s one of the few times, when you can mostly control the atmosphere so everyone is happy.
Create a nice place with a lil of what I like to call Rambiance (that’s my initial in front of ambiance), with nice treats and beverages, nice lighting, a place for the smokers, a place for the dancers, a place for the sit-n-chatters, loads of soft toilet paper, little touches or surprises…that’s how you do it..maybe call your buddies from NW to bring a ice sculpture that people take shots from, that’s ALWAYS a nice party favor………or if you are looking for some outdoor adventure…call my Dad for tips or ask him if you can head to Lake Viking with him if you are looking for some Missouri fun… those folks are ROWDY. They’ll take you on a fast boat ride, tubing, skiing, BBQ it up, and if your skin isn’t red enough from the sun, it will be after some beach volleyball hits by the beach with all the little kiddies running around tucked in their safety floaties around their arms and waists.
However, you probably won’t be finding my Special Party Sangria there. ;)
You know, my Mom also probably had a hand in creating the little event planner/fun-maker that I strive to be. Take that woman to an Ida McBeth show on Vine Street..oh yeah downtown KC baby (big ol’ black lady singin the bbbbblues mhmm yes ma’am, that woman has a set of pipes…..actually Mom recently told me she has lost a lot of weight, I’m going to go ahead and be a jerk here and say I think it takes away from her persona but I hope she’s happy.) Anyway, take my Mom to one of her shows, buy her a Long Island and wait….the barrel of laughs is guaranteed. She’s kind of a lightweight so if you aren’t IN on that barrel of laughs just wait b/c she laughs so much you can’t help but laugh with her. Or at the very least it’s a great confidence booster because everything you say is “SO FUNNY”. I love my Momma. ;)
Anyway, I guess I will post pictures from my vacation in December/January a little later, I really went off on a rant here and have run myself out of time…
But first….I HAVE GREAT NEWS.
Maybe you remember me writing about this in previous blog entries….but D. Ciocoi, assistant director to my school and I have been working on this project (writing a grant etc) to replace the windows and doors of the school. We gave our presentation (thank you NW Advertising dept. for my mad presenting skills) and we KICKED ASS. So we were approved and soon our sweet little Susleni school will have new windows and doors!!!!!! MAYBE the kids won’t have to wear coats in class anymore. (seriously? Did I really witness kids getting yelled out for not paying attention in class when they are sitting in classrooms with broken windows during WINTER.)
That’s all for now.
Best friend Danielle is coming to visit in 2 weeks!!!!! She is bringing her fiancé Mike and her new baby boy Elijah and I AM STOKED to meet them both….
That’s all for now, I will write more later about Turkey and Bulgaria vacation and throw on some pics…
Hugs, kisses, and lots of misses for you people.
Numai Bine!
(wishing only good things headed your way)
Love,
Yours truly,
Ryan
Email, man. It can be so lame sometimes. Important words should always be face to face. BUT in the interest of time, I understand and utilize it. At times, the efficiency of an instant email is unparamounted. I recently went to my 4th Moldovan funeral (my 23-year-old friend Andrei died from carbon monoxide poisoning 2 weeks ago), and I can officially say that death comes at all hours and any time. Andrei had just driven us to Doi Haiduci a few days before! Thus, the urgency to say what you’ve gotta regardless of the method. Get it out there before it’s TOO LATE. I’m serious.
Anyway, back to passive aggressive behavior. It is not efficient, raises blood pressure, and creates the unwanted elephant in the room, giving you that feeling when you are under water and can’t swim to the top fast enough while your lungs are screaming for air.
I am not a violent person, but when I feel that unnecessary elephant in the room, my urge is to bash it in like a baseball bat through a window…I always think it will lead to that priceless breath of fresh air when you come bursting out of the water like a damned dolphin. But in reality, usually somebody ends up in tears running out of the room, yelling, or I can expect to find a nice fat passive aggressive email waiting for me next time I check gmail.
Why don’t we learn how to deal with conflict in school? I learned what a “noun” was like 50 times.
So anyway, sometimes this works. Speaking up, that is. Sometimes not. I am still working out the kinks. After I sent the fore-mentioned email from December 22nd, 2007, I decided to not allow myself to sit uncomfortable in these rooms with elephants anymore no matter what happened. I would either say whatever needed to be said to break the ice, say ANYTHING, or walk away. Get as far away from that room as possible because it IS A CHOICE and nobody has to stay anywhere if they don’t want.
Like I said, still working out the kinks. I am not a pro at confrontation. The idea is to say what needs to be said, benefiting everyone, dissolving the conflict with the minimal amounts of pain possible.
You know, I never even got a response from that 3-page email I sent on December 22nd, 2007. I poured my heart into it. I’m not lying to myself, I know I only poured my heart into a screen typing letters to express myself, BUT afterward I did feel a little better. Mostly I felt better because I had finally grew some “gonads” (thank you NW 1st Street boy roommates for teaching me new terminology) and stood the heck up for myself. Voiced the sacred opinion that belongs to me. On the other hand, I never really got a response to my big email, so it still resonates in the crevices, between one of those folds in the very back of my cranium. But at least it doesn’t bother me anymore.
All the same, this was a good lesson to do things like that for myself and have no expectation for the person on the receiving end.
I also received this same lesson a second time semi-recently. I went to my friend Roma’s house. Roma is this beautiful person who mostly stays home because, quite frankly, Moldova is rough around the edges, and in the middle. Anyway, he has a beautiful place and he stays home and takes care of himself and his plants and he is happy. Anyway, so I went to visit him (he makes the best tea I’ve had in my life—no Mom, none of the funny stuff, it’s just tea) and on his coffee table there was this book in Russian. Like the fidgety, ill-mannered child that I am, I instantly picked it up and started flipping through the pages.
He tells me he doesn’t really get into this stuff, it was a gift, but it’s a fortune-telling book and I should flip to a page. No problem, I was already flipping (I love people telling me fortunes, it’s like a fairy tale but in my real life! Or maybe I think it will tell me how to live this crazy thing called life or tell me at very least if I’m on the right track..) anyway, mine basically said that I bring people together but should be careful about expecting rewards for all the work. Interesante.
It was something I needed to hear at the time because I was planning a big volunteer gathering for Thanksgiving. We are all friends, but sometimes people fight or are sad and party night is not the same for everyone as it is for me. MAN, DO I LOVE A GOOD PARTY. I don’t mean a puking rally kind of party, I mean, a good-n-fun let’s laugh our heads off till the wee hours of the morning kind.
PS It’s not a party without dancing or balloons OR some really obscure, nice beverage. You gotta have at least one of the 3 for people to remember it.
I am an event planner. Something I love equally as much as music (which if you know me at all music it pretty damn important to me) is bringing people together for a good time. I get pure joy flitting around the room and watching everyone sharing experiences and creating new ones. It’s one of the few times, when you can mostly control the atmosphere so everyone is happy.
Create a nice place with a lil of what I like to call Rambiance (that’s my initial in front of ambiance), with nice treats and beverages, nice lighting, a place for the smokers, a place for the dancers, a place for the sit-n-chatters, loads of soft toilet paper, little touches or surprises…that’s how you do it..maybe call your buddies from NW to bring a ice sculpture that people take shots from, that’s ALWAYS a nice party favor………or if you are looking for some outdoor adventure…call my Dad for tips or ask him if you can head to Lake Viking with him if you are looking for some Missouri fun… those folks are ROWDY. They’ll take you on a fast boat ride, tubing, skiing, BBQ it up, and if your skin isn’t red enough from the sun, it will be after some beach volleyball hits by the beach with all the little kiddies running around tucked in their safety floaties around their arms and waists.
However, you probably won’t be finding my Special Party Sangria there. ;)
You know, my Mom also probably had a hand in creating the little event planner/fun-maker that I strive to be. Take that woman to an Ida McBeth show on Vine Street..oh yeah downtown KC baby (big ol’ black lady singin the bbbbblues mhmm yes ma’am, that woman has a set of pipes…..actually Mom recently told me she has lost a lot of weight, I’m going to go ahead and be a jerk here and say I think it takes away from her persona but I hope she’s happy.) Anyway, take my Mom to one of her shows, buy her a Long Island and wait….the barrel of laughs is guaranteed. She’s kind of a lightweight so if you aren’t IN on that barrel of laughs just wait b/c she laughs so much you can’t help but laugh with her. Or at the very least it’s a great confidence booster because everything you say is “SO FUNNY”. I love my Momma. ;)
Anyway, I guess I will post pictures from my vacation in December/January a little later, I really went off on a rant here and have run myself out of time…
But first….I HAVE GREAT NEWS.
Maybe you remember me writing about this in previous blog entries….but D. Ciocoi, assistant director to my school and I have been working on this project (writing a grant etc) to replace the windows and doors of the school. We gave our presentation (thank you NW Advertising dept. for my mad presenting skills) and we KICKED ASS. So we were approved and soon our sweet little Susleni school will have new windows and doors!!!!!! MAYBE the kids won’t have to wear coats in class anymore. (seriously? Did I really witness kids getting yelled out for not paying attention in class when they are sitting in classrooms with broken windows during WINTER.)
That’s all for now.
Best friend Danielle is coming to visit in 2 weeks!!!!! She is bringing her fiancé Mike and her new baby boy Elijah and I AM STOKED to meet them both….
That’s all for now, I will write more later about Turkey and Bulgaria vacation and throw on some pics…
Hugs, kisses, and lots of misses for you people.
Numai Bine!
(wishing only good things headed your way)
Love,
Yours truly,
Ryan
posted by MissRy at 6:26 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home